Vlog 2

My very first Vlog , enjoy

O M G !!!

As I explained yesterday I sent an email to my older brother, the reply literally made me cry, it was so sweet and loving, and the complete love I have had from everyone has been completely overwhelming. My brother wrote this and I really wanted to share it with you all.

Dear sis or bro as the case may be , seems like the most natural thing in the world to us here ,only drawback is if you take all the drugs you are going to have to shave everyday ,that sucks as I truly HATE shaving .

I thuoght that as a child you were a real little princess (even though a bit of a tomboy) then as puberty set in you moved a bit to my side of the fence .the whole world is full of people who dont feel they are in the right gender 99% of them suffer in silence ,trapped in the wrong body .

good on you for contemplating a change ,I dont think changing your gender is any way makes you a different person , maybe a bit happier if you feel more at ease with youself ,.

think you will make a great fella .have you considered the fact that you and your mrs wont be termed as lesbians anymore !

Ive always been very proud of you , still am and always will be ! huggs and a few kisses

I am do deeply touched by this!

Ok at last!!!

Well finally I have had some movement,I wrote to my GP a lengthy email telling him how I was feeling with all this waiting and also with information I had found out myself , he sent me a very quick reply stating after the link I had sent him from Charing Cross the way forward was to get me to see a Psychiatrist asap, and then for them to refer me Charing Cross , London, as long as I was not MAD lol

I am somewhat relieved that at last something is being done ,and even tho I may have to pay for the first intial consultation as the waiting list can be up to 6 months, I do feel it is moving along, since for the last two months nothing has happened at all.

I am truly not one of the most patient people in the world, you can blame the Leo in me .lol

As for the rest my family now know everything, sent my Dad and older brother an email explaining it all, and considering my dad's age, he totally understands and says he will support me all the way, as he loves me unconditionally, I am still awaiting my brothers response!

Nicky my partner has had some good news she has been asked to audition for Tmates, by Mel, I think this would be of enormous benefit to her /us and a very good way of meeting other couples who are going through the same struggles. And there doesn't seem an awful amount of FTM and partners in the UK, so hopefully this would also be very beneficial to them. I am incredibly camera shy ( believe it or not ) but will support Nicky all the way.

We are still on diets and doing very well, my other half has already lost a stone in three weeks, and I am so very proud of her. Keep it going sweet, and I am also losing weight I will have that 6 pack yet

Hope everyone is well

Kris

The Waiting Game! UGH

Well it has been a while since I posted , so my apologies for this beforehand.lol

Well as I stated a few weeks ago I am waiting to see the gender clinic guy, and that appointment has still not come yet, this is a very frustrating time and I am desperate to get the ball rolling now.

I feel like I am waiting for Santa to come all over again and I am usually first to the door when the mail is delivered, even beating my dog to it! lmao, but still nothing :-(.

I am desperately trying to keep my chin up but finding it hard, and I am sure I am driving my sweet tart nuts with my complaining about appointments and the wonderful NHS .

I am feeling very jealous and envious about my fellow FTM already going through the journey, which I know is a terrible thing, and I don't mean to be, but I am tired waiting, I want our life to begin.

I rang the clinic today and the referral has not even be looked at, my gp sent it on the 16th of December!!, how long does it take to open a letter!! jjeeeeezzzz

So next time I write , hopefully it will be good news.

Keep your fingers crossed and have me in your prayers!

YouTube - Greengiraffe10's Channel

YouTube - Greengiraffe10's Channel

What A Day

Today has not been such a great day, feel a bit down over many things and feel like I am letting my partner down.

I suffer very badly with sexual dysphoria , I find my breasts utterly disgusting , I find my body disgusting and this hinders my sex drive totally, I dont even feel like I have a sex drive at all!, so obviously this makes my partner suffer, she still wants me physically , and as a result she feels rejected by me.

Of course this is far from what I want, and I very much desire her, find her attractive and love and worship the ground she walks upon, and no matter how much I try and explain to her how I feel and explain to her that I still love her and want her, and none of this is her fault at all, it still makes her feel rejected and this is causing conflict in our relationship.

From looking on youtube at other peoples blogs and videos I know this is very common with FTM, but none the less, the last thing I want in this world is to make her unhappy and sad, and when she cried this morning it made me feel really bad.

I want to be a good lover, a confident lover, and give her all that she deserves and I deserve, know this will happen in time with T, it did last time. I dont just want to ignore how I feel to make her feel better but at the same time dont want to see my loved one suffer, hurt, and feeling rejected!.

So today has been rubbish and I feel very depressed and hurt and angry that I am putting her through this, when she has been incredibly supportive through this transition for me and not only this many other private things that have gone on in my life over the last five years.

I truly see her as a soul mate in my life's journey.

I am just at a loss in how to make this better, how to make myself feel better about who I am at this moment in time, how to make her understand that it isn't her, it is how I feel about me. how I see myself in the mirror and what I see , I detest!

Well tomorrow is another day, and who knows might get an appointment through the post!